Yeah... How you guys doing? I'm doing a remote from Charlie's Chuckle Puddle here.
I don't know about you but it's been a wild day!
I got up today, I was with a lady... And we're not that familiar with each other...
It happens!
I was getting coffee. She says... Oh are you a morning person?
I've heard that a million times and I've never really thought about what that means.
If you are a morning person, I guess that's somehow admirable.! "Yeah, I'm a morning person"!
For us morning persons there's great pride in it. I (looks around) I get up at five-o-clock in the morning!
those people who aren't morning people... do exactly the same thing I do, but at another time!
And if you're NOT a morning person, you think it's meaningless.
She says okay, you could be be here with me, in this comfortable bed, doin something unspeakable to me and you'd rather "greet the day"?
And not having had my first cup of coffee yet I come up with the "Well to today is the first day of... You mean the thing with the Icy hot and the pop rocks?
She nods - I think I'll let tomorrow be the first day of the rest of my life!
Oh thanks...
You guys are a lot of fun... Yeah... This stand-up thing is a lot of fun. A lot of fun.... - Not a lot of money!
Some of you guys in the audience know what I'm talking about.
We need to try to spend less than we make.
But we gotta pay nine dollars a drink just like the rest of ya.
The secret is not to drink your check!
One time here I spent $150.00 on pizza,
Charlie the owner wants us to tell you guys to try the veal! Don't try the veal ladies and gentlemen. If you have an ounce of self preservation in you... Don't try the veal.
Anyway, 150 on pizza, 200 on drinks and 50 dollars on a hooker...
What? I said to try to spend less than you make.
You didn't think I was going to cheap out for the pizza did you? So I spent about 400 dollars that night - problem is it was open mike night!
See so you don't get paid for open mike night so the math was hard...
But yeah there's a certain a certain celebrity with being a stand-up.
"Hey Jim who's that drunk over there?" That's no ordinary drunk, that's Robert Holiday - he's a stand-up!" Oh well that's different! Let's go say hi".
Yeah all that alcoholic, living in your brother's garage, piece a crap car, getting pepper sprayed three times at speed dating, all that gets washed away! Oh he's a stand -up!
But with today's technology, that's all changed hasn't it?
As you can see, I am now a sit-down! But that terms not trending yet. Hey Jim? Who's that drunk over there? Oh that's no ordinary drunk that's Robert Holiday - he's a sit-down! Sit-down? What does he do shit?
Oh thank you - thank you.
Well my times about up kids... Charlie's waiving me off anyway, he doesn't like scatological humor. Charlie opened this place up in 1932. Yeah, another math problem, but this place is a gold mine for the old duck! Yeah he drives a hybrid now! Yeah, it's wheel chair, a respirator and a defibrillator!